Unhappy marriage? Have you tried vulva bleaching?

There's no more... umm.. delicate way to say it.

This appalling ad from India takes the old-school fear mongering of women over vaginal odour and adds India's bizarre obsession with skin-whitening products to create a veritable symphony of wrong:



From the YouTube link:

"Designed to address the problems women face in their private parts, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash offers protection, fairness and freshness. To be used while showering, its special pH-balanced formula cleans and protects the affected area, and even makes the skin fairer. Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner, fairer!"

"Do you ever feel, you know, not so bleached?"

 Jezebel sums up the international reaction to this appalling product and ad quite nicely:

"...this product—which, in addition to just being fucking insane, brings up painful issues about the hierarchy of skin tone within the Indian community. As if it isn't bad enough that darker-skinned people are encouraged to stay out of the sun and invest in skin-bleaching products like Fair & Lovely, and that white actresses are being imported to play Indian people in Bollywood movies, now everyone has to be insecure about the fact that their vaginas happen to be the color that vaginas are??? Splendid! God, I was just saying the other day that my misogyny didn't have enough racism in it."

You tell 'em, sister!

Pornterest

Today, Buzzfeed published an amusing post about how the word "porn" is used on Pinterest (a social scrapbooking site where people gather favourite online images) to describe anything they like looking at.

And not just the trendy term "food porn" either:

"Fishing Gear Porn"

"Word Porn"

"Real Estate Porn"

What I found particularly amusing about this (besides the fact that someone innocently called their board "dog porn") is that this morning Jezebel had a post about the actual Pinterest of Porn, called "Snatchly". (The link is safe — it goes to a signup page.)

Worlds are colliding. Or, rather, "words".

But let's just hope this overuse of the p-word doesn't end in tragedy, when an innocent sweet tooth in need of some delicious Pudding Porn ends up instead conjuring up two girls and a cup over on the wrong network.

"Barrista! There are bugs in my vegan smoothie!"

At least they spelled "flavour" the proper way.

I don't know why vegans even bother with fast food. Remember when everyone was outraged by beef tallow in McDonald's fries? More recently, there was concern over hidden bacon in Chipotle's pinto beans.

Part of the problem is that there are two divergent customer demands: on one hand, people want junk food made with as many "natural" ingredients as possible; on the other are personal food restrictions based on religion, philosophy or allergy.

The latest big brand to be torn by this tension is Starbucks.

Via Tumblr

Jezebel explains that after "customers insisted that Starbucks start to use natural ingredients whenever possible," the coffee chain started using cochineal extract instead of chemical dye to make its strawberry soy smoothies pinker. (They also add lycopene, the pigment from tomatoes.)

Cochineal extract is certainly natural. To make it, you grind up a bunch of these guys:

Via this blog

The resulting pigment, known as carmine, has many industrial uses. And it's common in food.

Wikipedia says:

"Carmine is used as a food dye in many different products such as juices, ice cream, yogurt, and candy, and as a dye in cosmetic products such as eyeshadow and lipstick. Although principally a red dye, it is found in many foods that are shades of red, pink, and purple. As a food dye it has been known to cause severe allergic reactions and anaphylactic shock in some people. 

Food products containing carmine-based dye may be a concern for people allergic to carmine, or people choosing not to consume any or certain animals, such as vegetarians, vegans, and followers of religions with dietary law (e.g., kashrut in Judaism and halaal in Islam)."

The true nature of the ingredient went viral in the veggie community when a vegan Starbucks employee leaked it to This Dish is Veg. There was soon a petition up at Change.org which so far has 2,427 signatures.

Starbucks isn't budging yet, though. Corporate spokesman Jim Olson told msnbc.com, “We certainly respect and understand the interest this is getting, but it is a very common ingredient in foods and juices and beverages.”

There's actually a very simple solution to this problem: leave out the dye, and expect customers to accept a paler pink smoothie. Hell, I make my own for breakfast all the time. Strawberries add their own "natural" colour. It just isn't the bright pink that people seem to think they want.

Do you think that such a thing is possible?

Starbucks now selling "vegatable" juice #FdAdFriday

This, according to Jezebel, is actual signage from Starbucks' new juice bar, Evolution Fresh, just opened in Bellevue, Washington. Imagine how many people would have had to look at that text during the design, approval, printing and posting of the sign. I guess it's true that literacy is in decline.

At least it wasn't "vagatable".

Sugar Daddy site celebrates Women's Month with a 2fer #FdAdFridays

You can't make this stuff up.

From the Press Release:

"Sugar Daddy Website Celebrates Women’s Month with an Empowering 2-For-1 Sugar Baby Offer 

March is the National Women’s Month in the United States and the United Kingdom. This year, the focus of the National Women’s History Month will be on “Women's Education and Women's Empowerment.” As the only Sugar Daddy dating website that encourages women’s education and women’s empowerment through their dating relationships, SeekingArrangement.com is celebrating this year’s Women’s History Month by offering all female members 2-for-1 discounts on any Sugar Baby or Sugar Mommy membership package."

Empowering indeed. Seeking Arrangement is an online dating service that helps attractive young women in need of money sell themselves as a "girlfriend experience" to wealthy older men.

This isn't prostitution, mind you, because these are nice girls. College girls.

"Since “Women’s Education” is the focus of this year’s Women’s Month, SeekingArrangement.com notes that over 40% of its Sugar Baby members are college students using the website as a means to pay for their college education."

Last I heard, the same could be said for 100% of strippers.

“Women are brought up in our country to believe they are princesses who will eventually meet their prince. In Disneyland, even the beast turned out to be a prince,” says [Brandon Wade, the website’s Founder & CEO] who holds a BS and MBA degree from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. “Most girls grow up realizing there is no fairytale ending. Instead of selling the princess fantasy, parents ought to empower their daughters by showing them how to be Sugar Babies and to demand more out of their personal relationships.”

So there you have it, sisters. It's all for women's empowerment.

Tip via Jezebel

Vodka created by women, for women, who want to get girl drink drunk #FdAdFriday

Jezebel's headline, "Finally, a Feminine Vodka Specially Formulated to Get Your Vagina Drunk" may be more biting, but considering that making alcohol suppositories out of vodka-soaked tampons is already a thing now, it's a tiny bit misleading.

Little Black Dress Vodka is a line of flavoured and unflavoured vodkas branded especially for women, with patronizing copy like:

"There's nothing quite like a timeless classic, yet you're flattered by followers of your exceptional style. Sure, you've got your head on straight, but anyone who knows you knows you're always up for anything."

Although, considering it is written by women, I suppose "matronizing" would be more accurate.

I guess it's no worse than drinks that try too hard to be masculine.

But it's still silly. Do you think anyone will fall for it?

Putting the sexy back in philosophy class #FdAdFriday

Jezebel featured this odd bit of promotion that Philosophy Prof Vincent Hendricks did for his class at the University of Copenhagen:

Yes, those are sexy schoolgirls behind him.

Apparently, the immensely-modest Dr.Hendricks did the shoot for the Danish ladmag Connery when they chose him as their "Man of The Month".  And he thought it was not only entirely professional to imply that he is getting lots of female student ass, but also felt that his actual female students would enjoy being characterized this way.

I do, however, give the man bonus points for out-creeping one of the creepiest ads of 2011, that award-winning Brazilian KIA pedo travesty that caused shitstorms all the way to Korea.

If the timelines were reversed, I would have assumed he actually inspired the ad:

After raising predictable outrage, Dr. Hendricks issued this apology:

"To the Philosophical Community 

Some recent pictures on my website have caused some debate. The intention was that the pictures, as a cover on a forthcoming magazine, might be used to view logic from a somewhat humorous and untraditional perspective appealing to larger audience which the magazine covers. However it had the opposite effect offending various parties in the philosophical community. I truly apologize for this and I stand completely corrected. I have removed the pictures from the website."

 Yeah, whatever.

Who the fuck cast Courtney Stodden in an ad?

Even a really shitty one.

How she might appear to a drunk fisherman.

Whoever you are, you are a very, very bad adman (or adwoman). The world does not need this girl to have an "acting" career, just because her mother offered her as some sort of teenage sacrifice to religiously acceptable carnal violation by a 51-year old man.



Just stop.

Via Jezebel and Buzzfeed

F'd Ad Fridays: "Purity Bear" ad looks like parody, but it's real

Amazing, No just the shitty writing, directing, acting, editing, etc. But the whole concept of a "Day of Purity"



Look, buddy... it's your choice what you want to do with your life. But I would like to point out that consensual (and responsible) sex among mutually attracted young unmarried people is also "pure". Pure AWESOME.

And I feel terrible for the girl. She has taken a great emotional risk by making an advance on the boy and her turns her down. Maybe even made her feel dirty. In my experience, this does not lead to marriage. This leads to damaged self-esteem on her part that will only be built up when she finds a guy who doesn't play games with her.

In other words, the bear is a tool. He also reminds me a little too much of this guy.

Go away, Purity Bear. Go far away.

Tip via Jezebel

F'd Ad Fridays: Sanitary (Lily) Pad

Wait a sec... where did she just put that thing?



I have no idea what this has to do with retirement planning.

Via Jezebel

F'd Ad Fridays: Cheating panty semen detection kit

You could trust your girlfriend or wife, or you could trust SCIENCE:

According to the Test Infidelity web site:

"The InSite Semen Detection Kit can detect traces of semen on a woman's undergarment discharged after sexual intercourse, and up to 36 hours later. 

The InSite Kit comes with two types of test strips: (1) acid phosphatase (AP) test strips, and (2) prostate specific antigen (PSA) test strips. These two test work together to provide evidence of semen on a woman's undergarment. 

The AP test strips can detect semen down to a 1/2000 dilution and provide instant results. The PSA test strips can detect semen to a 1/500,000 dilution and provide more sensitive results in just 10 minutes. 

The InSite Semen Detection Kit contains 15 AP test strips in a resealable pouch with desiccant, 10 PSA test strips in sealed individual pouches and a 5-mL dropper."

The company also provides semen DNA analysis, to identify your cuckold, and a forensic infidelity test that works on both semen and vaginal fluid.

Ah, modern romance...

Tip via Jezebel

Florida Family Association wishes American Muslims a Hateful Christmas

OMG TERRURISTS!

Jezebel writes that American home-improvement chain Lowes has pulled its advertising from TLC's reality show All-American Muslim after complaints from the Florida Family Association.

According to TLC's online preview:

"All-American Muslim follows the daily lives of five American Muslim families in Dearborn, Michigan, one of the most established and largest concentrations of American Muslims in the country. Each episode offers an intimate look at customs and celebrations, as well as misconceptions, conflicts, and differences these families face outside and within their own community."

 In other words, it is offering a peek beyond the xenophobia, to portray the diverse people behind the faith.

This infuriates the Florida Family Association, who sent out an alert to all their members to e-mail TLC with complaints:

"The Learning Channel's new show All-American Muslim is propaganda clearly designed to counter legitimate and present-day concerns about many Muslims who are advancing Islamic fundamentalism and Sharia law.  The show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamic believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish."

My. Oh. My. Can't you just feel the love of Jesus Christ throbbing in their veins? The FFA's mission statement is to "educate people on what they can do to defend, protect and promote traditional, biblical values." (Apparently, "love thy neighbour" ain't one of these.)

Lowe's gave the lamest excuse ever for giving in to fundamentalist pressure:

"Individuals and groups have strong political and societal views on this topic, and this program became a lightning rod for many of those views. As a result we did pull our advertising on this program. We believe it is best to respectfully defer to communities, individuals and groups to discuss and consider such issues of importance."

Way to go, asshats. Spineless and callous is no way for a brand to go through life.

Predictably, some public figures are calling for a boycott of the cowardly brand, including Democratic Senator Ted Lieu, who is calling for a Christmas boycott of Lowe's. He says, "The show is about what it's like to be a Muslim in America, and it touches on the discrimination they sometimes face. And that kind of discrimination is exactly what's happening here with Lowe's."

LOTS of room for improvement in this brand.

Related: Buzzfeed's 25 Dumbest Comments On Lowe's Facebook Page About “All-American Muslim”

H&M and the curious case of the cyborg models

Look at these two models, from the H&M online catalogue:

Here are three more:

Notice anything... odd?

According to Jezebel, "The bodies of most of the models H&M features on its website are computer-generated and 'completely virtual,' the company has admitted. H&M designs a body that can better display clothes made for humans than humans can, then 'dresses' it by drawing on its clothes, and digitally pastes on the heads of real women in post-production."

In other words, they're just digital paper dolls. Pick a skin tone, add an outfit and photoshop in a real head. Why a real head? Well, humans have pretty fine-tuned facial recognition software in their heads. We tend to be freaked out by fake faces that are too close for comfort, pushing us into the uncanny valley.

You will notice however, on this pose, that they re-use the same headshot over and over again as well.

And in case you're wondering, they have cyborg male models too:

What do you think of this tactic? Its advantage is consistency in showing off the clothes; after all, models are supposed to be mannequins. Plus if they were a little more overt about it, with a disclaimer that "models bodies are computer generated — do not try this at home" then maybe it would help to overcome the whole dysmorphia and eating disorder issue with both models and their followers.

After all, there was a time when fashion was usually sold by illustration.

Is this any different? I'd love to hear your opinions. (Well, those of most of you anyway.)

OB apologizes to me personally, gives me a tampon coupon

Awww, thanks guys. You really shouldn't have.

According to Jezebel, this is a campaign by OB to try to win back customers in Canada after a supply disruption took the tiny tampons off the market last year. Jez comments, "For some reason, O.B. is only apologizing to Canadians at the moment" — well, duh! Effusive apology is such a Canadian thing to do.

And this is totally over the top. You enter your name in their interactive site, and this mopey man sings the hygienic product's apology to you as your name is tattooed on his arm, written in rose petals, and spread across the sky.

I'm touched, really. Deep in my... umm... where do you put those things again?

F'd Ad Fridays: Watching adult virgins talk about sex is even more awkward than you would imagine

This is a trailer for "Virgin Diaries", a new reality show coming at you from TLC. The network claims it is not making fun of these poor saps. They leave that up to the viewers.






Via Jezebel