Hot Girl Problems

This video is almost certainly a joke. At least I desperately hope it is a joke. Please, tell me it's a joke.

I don't think it's a joke.

If you dare, watch two young girls calling themselves "Double Trouble" (they were obviously born after Stevie Ray Vaugh's death) mumble-rap a half-baked rant about how hard it is to be hot.

Matthew Panzarino of TNW writes, "These girls are someone’s daughters, and they’re probably not evil. This video, however, is one of the worst things ever made."

My favourite commentary on the vid, however, is on the YouTube post by "Old Bailey Productions" (which itself appears to be a teenage vanity project):

"Old Bailey Productions does not take credit for creating any of the audio produced in this video. We simply produced the video the way the girls wanted it as a demo for their music. However, as associates of the artists we control all rights to the video and it's content."

That's right, folks. They may suck, but if they turn out to be the next Rebecca Black, I want my piece of the action.

Vince Neil turns to stripping to make ends meet

Hurl, hurl, hurl.

The former Mötley Crüe frontman is actually the owner of a strip club, aptly named "Girls, Girls, Girls."

And he makes really, really, bad ads for it:



"And why didn't he use the song in the ad?", you might ask. It was actually written by his bandmates, Nikki Sixx, Mick Mars and Tommy Lee. He probably didn't have the budget for it.

How the mighty (hairdos) have fallen...

Via Buzzfeed

A very Lynchian music video by David Lynch

Oh, yes. It's weird. And of course it has nudity, violence and almost painful weirdness.



According to Lynch's own site,

"Recorded over several months at his own studio in Mulholland Drive with engineer Dean Hurley (who also contributes guitar and drums), "Crazy Clown Time" unveils a majestic, yet powerfully idiosyncratic vision of "modern blues" that could only be drawn from the mind of David Lynch. Filled with foreboding soundscapes, hypnotic rhythms and enigmatic lyrics, this is music that will resonate not only with fans of Lynch's films, but also to listeners who appreciate daring, experimental music."

I don't know what else to say. You can buy the album here.

Via Animal NY.

The most F'd album cover you will see today #FdAdFriday

On Facebook, my old friend Omar shared one of those great lists of "world's worst album covers" that are always going around.

Most of them were known to me. But this one was new:

Not only is the title beyond awful in what it seems to be joking about, but the song titles are also full of painful puns:

• "My Pussy Belongs To Daddy"
• "Sadie's Still Got The Rag On"
• "I Want A Man To Gimme Some Luck"
• "I Tried It Everywhere"
• "She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas" (my favourite title)
• "Don't Give Me No Goose For Christmas"
• "He Forgot His Rubbers"
• "Hey Mister Ice Man!"
• "Things Are Soft For Grandma, Since Grandpa's Eighty-Four"
• "Tony's Got Hot Nuts

It's a real album. Even more surprisingly, it was released in 1957!

It's even on YouTube:

This is where it shows its age. The music is jazzy, the lyrics are comical burlesque sung by Faye Richmonde (who doesn't seem to be remembered anywhere online except on download sites). And from context, I gather "Daddy" is an old-school term of endearment to her lover - whew!

I even found a copy of the album at an auction site. The description is kind of amusing, given the content:

"Smutty tunes with a nudie cover! Faye Richmond, Saul T. Peter, Angelina, and Miss Dee, accompanied by the Men Of Passion. Tunes include "She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas", "Tony's Got Hot Nuts", "Sadie's Still Got The Rag On", and the title track. Adults only XXX. Cover shows a little handling wear on edges, and had a little color run w it looks like it was damp or wet in the bottom corner, record looks like near mint."

Here are a couple more tracks:

So there you have it: what appeared at first to be some kind of shock album ends up as evidence that our grandparents were just as perverted as we are. They just had the good sense to keep this stuff private.

How to Handle a Sex Pest

When I saw this video (and the title "How to Handle a Sex Pest") on the Viral Videos Facebook page, I assumed it was a social marketimng message about sexual harassment. I was wrong.



No, this "choose your own adventure" interactive YouTube is actually a promotional video for Elsie, a British pop singer I had not heard of until this morning.

The video is disturbing, but not in the way you would expect. The options to get rid of the "sex pest" are pretty violent (see above) and the viewer gets an opportunity to let the guy "get revenge" at the end.


The explanation:

"Every girl out there knows this guy -- the horny, crotch-thrusting dancer who just won't leave you alone in the club. They see a bit of booty and think they can touch. Watch Elsie go on the attack and show how us girls WISH we could deal with sex pests."

It's as if it's all a game. Not a violation of personal space, not harassment, unwanted sexual touching or even assault. Just a bit of fun.

And this is, of course, just a video. But every message matters. And it can make things better or worse.

Which do you think this is? Harmless fun, or bad idea?

Ziggy Street

It's certainly one of my favourite album covers.  Shot by photographer Brian Ward in January 1972 photographer Brian Ward outside a fur distribution company called "K. West" at 23 Heddon Street, London. According to The Ziggy Stardust Companion, the entire shoot was done in black and white, then colourized in those saturated tones. (You can see some outtakes here.)

"To be played at maximum volume."

The side street has apparently changed quite a bit in 40 years. But just this week, the Crown Estate mounted a "Blue Plaque" at the site to commemorate its historical significance.

Unveiled by the dude from Spandau Ballet. Remember them?

Now that David Bowie is seemingly retired, I hope this kind of thing doesn't make him feel too old.

But then again, he's the one who said we only had five years...

Thanks to Mark B for the tip.

Music rights ad sings with forked tongue #FdAdFriday

It's so randomly weird, I am almost left speechless.

Ad by Mortimer Harvey of Johannesburg, South Africa. Via Ads of The World

Oh God, Paris Hilton has a new music video

Apparently feeling threatened by Courtney Stodden's burgeoning music career, Paris has decided to take a stand for true celebutantism against the underage poseur.

Talking over the repetitive electronic beats of Denver's Manufactured Superstars, she delivers one pointless banality after another until you either stop the video or experience debilitating ennui.

[Video has been pulled from YouTube and Vimeo. You can still see at at Gawker, if you dare.]

I made it to 1:38. Let me know how it ends, if you dare.

Via Buzzfeed

The most unintentionally hilarious metal video you'll see this week #FdAdFridays

Casey sent me this one. I was doubtful that it would be worth a 5+ minute viewing. I was wrong.



Cleveland metalheads Alternate Reality are either entirely without self-awareness or they are the next Spinal Tap.

This quote from Metal Underground suggests the latter:

"I'm extremely excited to unleash our new music video onto the world," says vocalist Steve Delchin, who plays the role of King Arthur in the video. "It's about the legend of King Arthur and his quest for the Kingdom of Metal." 

"The fact that we have two lawyers in the band is definitely unique," comments guitarist Bob Delchin, who also hosts the long-running "This Is Metal" show on Cleveland State University's WCSB radio station. "Our new video certainly has a legal flavor to it. A number of the actors appearing in the video enjoy careers in the legal field as lawyers, paralegals, and secretaries."

This is what happens when lawyers make heavy metal. Let it be a warning to you all.

F'd Ad Fridays: House O' Bowies

This odd little ad was originally shot for Vittel mineral water, for European and Japanese markets, in the early 2000s. In it, David Bowie is forced to live with all of his classic alter-egos.



It was later repurposed as an ad for Bowie's last (**sob**) to date album, Reality.

In some ways, I wonder if this is what it's like to live inside his head.

PS: Come back, David! In any guise you choose. We miss you.

Steel Panther poster banned in UK for sexy/sexist imagery

Spinal Tap would be so proud.



Indeed. Steel Panther are yet another parody band who do the material so well that people take it seriously. At least that's what happened when this outrageously over-the-top poster appeared in the UK last fall.

The Guardian reports that the ASA, the UK's notoriously ninny ad standards enforcer, did not accept the argument that that the ads were meant to "poke fun at the ridiculousness of the attitude to women, outfits and music in that [1980s] era".

Here's the ruling in full:

"The ASA noted Universal Island Records' argument that the poster was not meant to cause offence or be seen as demeaning to women.  However, we considered that the main image on the poster was overtly sexual.  We noted that the pose of the woman showed her with her legs apart, her hand between her legs and her breasts partially exposed and considered that her facial expression was suggestive of an orgasm and sexual activity.  In addition to this, we considered that the album title "Balls Out" was sexually suggestive particularly when viewed in the context of the poster, where the woman was seen dangling two silver balls between her legs in a way that we considered was suggestive of male genitalia. 

We noted Universal Island Records' argument that the poster was meant to be viewed humorously and not to be taken seriously as it was meant to represent the over-the-top image of the band featured in the poster.  However, we considered that most people would not view the poster in this way and even if they had viewed it in that context, the poster was overtly sexual when taken as a whole.  Given its placement in a range of public locations, we concluded that it was likely to cause serious and widespread offence, was unsuitable to be seen by children and therefore was not appropriate for outdoor advertising."

Universal had stated that their media plan favoured locations that are "popular with adults for nights out" but since the campaign is over now anyway, it hardly matters.

What is interesting about all of this is the struggle between artistic licence in the pursuit of laughs and real-life standards against sexism, racism, and other social ills. It's such a fine line...




Tip via Adland

Australia destroys a legend to sell meat

Oh, dear.



Normie Rowe is the Australian old-school rocker whose 1965 cover of Johnny Kidd and the Pirates' "Shakin' All Over" (also covered by The Who, The Guess Who and other, non-who-related, bands) was a huge smash down under. But his career was cut short when he was drafted and sent to Vietnam.

Now the poor washed-up star has been conscripted to murder his biggest hit, with TV chef Curtis Stone, singing new lyrics about Aussie beef, for the Coles supermarket chain.

Poor guy. Poor song. Poor us.

"No added hormoooooones"

via mumbrella

The saddest Tumblr of all time

LIVE! (I see dead people) photoshops classic album covers to edit out the dead guys.

The result is depressing as hell.

That's it. I can't take any more.