Playboy's late-life identity crisis

Poor old Playboy doesn't know what to be in the 21st Century.

Founded as somewhat of a countercultural icon for affluent and educated men almost 60 years ago, it played an important (if one-sided) part in the Sexual Revolution and spoke out against McCarthyism. In the '60s, it matured into a brand for the wannabe martini set. But by the '70s, hardcore pornography took away its more horny audiences as it maintained its relevance through top-notch interviews and celebrity pictorials. In the '80s, it was all about video.

Now, here we are in the digital age. Pictures of naked women are abundant and free. So is interesting and subversive content. So what's left for Playboy?

I think their biggest problem is that sex, culture and politics are no longer a man's exclusive domain. Playboy will never be able to shake its basically sexist brand character, and who wants to be associated with that?

The douchebag market, that's who. Young men who read Maxim and wear Axe.

To compete with Maxim, Playboy launched The Smoking Jacket, an online ladmag that covers culture, entertainment and boobies with a less overtly-pornographic, teasing style. Fellow adblogger Steve Hall, from Adrants, is one of the contributors. (He pens a "sexy ads of the week" column.)

And Axe?

Check out this Playboy shower gel ad by DDB Paris:



Yeah, it's a shitty ad. It's also extremely creepy. Can you imagine how a young woman would feel if a strange man, alone with her in the elevator, hit the emergency button? She'd be expecting the worst.

I don't really know if Playboy has a future as a serious brand. It could be that, in a few years, it will only survive as a logo worn ironically (or desperately) by attention-seeking young women.

What do you think?

Chewbacca celebrated Star Wars Day by having a bubble bath with two women

The last remnants of the Empire have been defeated, and it is a period of peace in the galaxy. The Jedi Order, no longer needed in their role as defenders, have scattered across the stars and started new lives...while the Sith wait quietly hidden in their midst. Such a Jedi and her Sith counterpart have found common ground and established a new business together on a remote planet. United by a love of animals and a belief in the force, they have rededicated their lives to the art of grooming. Their latest mission leads them to the base of a former Rebel. Though the war is over, they have not forgotten where their true allegiances lie...

This is one strange fake ad. Last Friday, "May the Fourth (be with you)", was Star Wars Day, and it inspired this Seth Green-directed commercial spoof: According to Nerdist:

"The Fourth is in Force at the Nerdist Channel, where nothing says celebrating Star Wars fandom like two lovely ladies with lightsabers. "Saber 2: Return of the Body Wash" sees Rileah Vanderbilt and Clare Grant returning to their popular fake-but-we-wish-it-were real cologne commercial world with a curvaceous clone-war twist. Watch as things get wetter than the planet Kamino in the newest Duel of the Femme Fatales."

Ummm... okay. Clare Grant, by the way, is Seth Green's wife.

Trivializing sex on Google+

Ivan at Ads of the World shared this interesting project on Google+ by Selina Elizabeth Kyle.

She combines random academic trivia with sexualized pictures of women. The result is... well... memorable?

I just enjoy the juxtaposition. To be all pedantic about it, I think it says something interesting about how our natural interest in sex can be borrowed to deliver information. (My friend Chris mentions that it reminds him of how old flight navigation training documents for pilots used sexy pin-up photos to teach how to navigate by the stars.)

Isn't this exactly what "sexy" ads are doing? Is the product any less randomly connected to sex than these facts?


See the rest here.

Today's disturbing lube campaign is brought to you by Draftfcb

Either guys in Venezuela are really hard up, and are now sticking their johnsons in inanimate objects, or someone has a really skewed idea of what sex should feel like.

The small, circular nature of these examples leads me to believe they're talking about "back door" access — either gay or straight —but there is one example that seems a little more missionary:

All I can say, is that these ads make me feel really bad for their target market, and especially for their sexual partners. Ewww.

Okay, okay.  I "get it" and all. But ir's really just a reverse of that classic Manix ad:

Tip (heh, heh) via Ads of The World

Cool guerrilla stunt launches TNT in Belgium

Vincent sent me this:



It's an awesome guerrilla stunt to launch the TNT network in Belgium. Awesome work by Duval Guillaume. Let's just hope it's not as staged as that Red Light District dance number.

A very Lynchian music video by David Lynch

Oh, yes. It's weird. And of course it has nudity, violence and almost painful weirdness.



According to Lynch's own site,

"Recorded over several months at his own studio in Mulholland Drive with engineer Dean Hurley (who also contributes guitar and drums), "Crazy Clown Time" unveils a majestic, yet powerfully idiosyncratic vision of "modern blues" that could only be drawn from the mind of David Lynch. Filled with foreboding soundscapes, hypnotic rhythms and enigmatic lyrics, this is music that will resonate not only with fans of Lynch's films, but also to listeners who appreciate daring, experimental music."

I don't know what else to say. You can buy the album here.

Via Animal NY.

The most F'd album cover you will see today #FdAdFriday

On Facebook, my old friend Omar shared one of those great lists of "world's worst album covers" that are always going around.

Most of them were known to me. But this one was new:

Not only is the title beyond awful in what it seems to be joking about, but the song titles are also full of painful puns:

• "My Pussy Belongs To Daddy"
• "Sadie's Still Got The Rag On"
• "I Want A Man To Gimme Some Luck"
• "I Tried It Everywhere"
• "She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas" (my favourite title)
• "Don't Give Me No Goose For Christmas"
• "He Forgot His Rubbers"
• "Hey Mister Ice Man!"
• "Things Are Soft For Grandma, Since Grandpa's Eighty-Four"
• "Tony's Got Hot Nuts

It's a real album. Even more surprisingly, it was released in 1957!

It's even on YouTube:

This is where it shows its age. The music is jazzy, the lyrics are comical burlesque sung by Faye Richmonde (who doesn't seem to be remembered anywhere online except on download sites). And from context, I gather "Daddy" is an old-school term of endearment to her lover - whew!

I even found a copy of the album at an auction site. The description is kind of amusing, given the content:

"Smutty tunes with a nudie cover! Faye Richmond, Saul T. Peter, Angelina, and Miss Dee, accompanied by the Men Of Passion. Tunes include "She Sits Among The Cabbages And Peas", "Tony's Got Hot Nuts", "Sadie's Still Got The Rag On", and the title track. Adults only XXX. Cover shows a little handling wear on edges, and had a little color run w it looks like it was damp or wet in the bottom corner, record looks like near mint."

Here are a couple more tracks:

So there you have it: what appeared at first to be some kind of shock album ends up as evidence that our grandparents were just as perverted as we are. They just had the good sense to keep this stuff private.

Absurdly violent condom ads #FdAdFriday

These have to be some of the most absurdly macho condom ads I have seen. By a sausage party of a creative team at TBWA Buenos Aires, Argentina, they seem to imply that men thing they have a mighty warrior in their pants. But it doesn't seem sexy at all to me, and can't possibly be an attractive image for women.

It's about technique, guys, not brute strength. Mine's a lover, not a fighter.

Via Ads of The World

The Return of Purity Bear #FdAdFriday

How can you make a terrible pro-abstinence ad even worse? Add some racialized stereotyping into the mix!



The latest amateur video from Day of Purity manages to be even more awkward than the first one, stopping the horny and lovestruck teens from having sex using a sassy African American vernacular.

Reposted from Osocio

HJ Gloves, by IsoBoner

Casey just sent me this spoof ad from Funny or Die. (It's a little gross, so watch at own risk.)

HJ Gloves from Adam Scott      

Pretty funny, although the Obsession ad parodies are pretty done at this point. And the gloves? Iggy rocked those more than 40 years ago.

HJ Gloves, by Ig, circa 1970

The real St. Valentine

There he sits (his head, anyway) in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome. All that we really know about him is that his feast day is today (February 14) and that he is dead. Stories about him being a priest martyred by Emperor Claudius for secretly marrying Christian couples is a bit of late Mediaeval and Renaissance embellishment, as is his association with love and romance (attributed to Chaucer).

So enjoy your cards, candies and sexy time while you may. You'll eventually be a dead person people make up stories about too.

My sister-in-law, the pornographer*

*Not really.

But Bonnie Robinson, with whom I have been proud to have been related by marriage for almost 24 years, did take the prize for Best Local Film in the Odessa Filmworks' fourth annual erotic film festival, "Painted Lips and Lolly Licks".  Bonnie was writer and producer of YOW! Productions' and Coffee From Hell Productions' entry, "Room 218", directed and co-produced by Andrew Alexander.

What's really cool about this short winning is that it's not sexy at all. In fact, it shows the awkwardness and even pain that goes into preparing for a casual dating sexual encounter that leaves both parties fairly unfulfilled. We see ordinary people craving love, giving in to lust, and ending with nothing. Actors Jodi Morden and Nicolas Di Gaetano do a great job of looking like they're going through the motions, whether it's plucking hairs or knocking boots.


Room 218 from YOW Productions on Vimeo.


I'd love to know exactly what celebrity film fest judge Kimberly Kane thought when she saw the film. Was she refreshed to see sex shown as something mundane and unembellished? Did she empathize with the woman looking in the mirror as she stoically prepared her body for presentation to a lover?

I have no idea. But I am a proud brother-in-law.

Sex tourism, or travel matchmaking?

One thing about working in advertising is you always wonder what's behind some of those sleazy online ads you see as you bounce around the internet.

Here's one I saw on fark.com:

Of course it's a scam, but I wanted to know how obvious a scam it was. So I went where few non-desperate people have gone before:

Okay, that's not too scary. It even makes clear on Google that it is not an escort site.

So what is it? Well, you can't get too far into that with a major breach of privacy.

There's only so much I'm willing to give up online. This is my real name, and I have a wife, a son, and a job. But fortunately others have made the ultimate privacy sacrifice in the interest of science.

According to this blog:

"As soon as you log in women will start sending you chat and email messages that can only be replied to if you are a paying member.  I can not believe with no picture or personal information some girl would text me in seconds. I think it was set up this way so guys would sign up for their premium service."

Someone else wrote:

"I've registered 8 (!) male accounts on Travelgirls.com on the same day. Without photo or any demographics info, exept country. So I suppose such account should not be interesting to any girl. All 8 my fake users got 5 messages from THE SAME 3 girls in ~30 minutes after registration. All those girls of course were very beautiful and had profiles with photos, but...one small problem :) They all were sending almost the same message to all users. For example all users got a message from a girl called Perla. My fake user from France got a message "invite me to France", fake user from Spain got message "Invite me to Spain", etc. So Perla asked all 8 fake guys to invite her to their native country, mentioned in profile. Another one girl Eva also sent message to all users: "Have you been to Kiev/Ukraine?". Also two more girls with russian names sent messages immediately to all users. I don't know what about are those messages, because premium membership is necessary to read them."

So it's basically a porn chat scam. Meh. But more scary exploitation of lonely guys is afoot:

"I met a girl from Belarus on this site; her name there is Baby_MUR. Her actual name, according to what she told me is Evgeniya Serzhan. I met her and for 2 weeks she gave me the impression she was truly interested in me and wanted to travel to the USA. I offered to buy her plane ticket if she could get the visa. She told me it shouldn't be a problem, but a couple of days afterward said the cost would be 150 eur and that her parents wouldn't help her. She asked if I could help and told me maybe she could do something in return for me. I told her we would work together and figure something out. The next day she told me she would borrow the money and go to the Embassy to apply for the visa and that was the last I heard from her. She will now no longer answer any of my messages on the site, answer her phone when I call, nor will she write me back when I send her e-mails. It seems obvious to me that all she wanted was my money and when I didn't offer to send her the 150 eur she decided to drop me and look for someone she might be able to sucker. In short that makes her a romance scammer/gold digger. By the way, I looked at the site for the US Embassy in Minsk and the site shows the cost of the visa to be $140 USD--a far cry from 150 eur, which is about $200 USD. Furthermore, she told me they would process the visa for her there, but the site information shows they are no longer processing tourist visas in Minsk and persons wanting one would have to visit Embassys in other countries for processing. Beware of this site because if there is one like this there are bound to be others as well."

Sad, sad, sad. But what about the girls? Are they real? The site itself asks for a login before clickthrough, but Google seems to have no problem accessing lower level pages directly:

I have no idea if these women are real or not. I don't really want to find out. But I do hope that none of them are being trafficked, or forced into the sex trade through poverty or circumstance.

The guys, by the way, are a little more shy...

Well, some of them...)

Why should I care? I guess there are two things the internet has done to me. First of all, by bringing me news of sex work, tourism, tragedy and scams from around the world, it has made me more aware of the underbelly of human nature. And second, even if I wanted to be blissfully ignorant, these ads would continue to intrude on my world with a reminder of theirs.

By the way, the site owner (it's registered in Lithuania) denies any liability for any real people who may get involved in this particular type of travel.

"4.1. This Site is a venue. Services provided by the Company do not include the introduction of users to one another. This Site is merely a venue for members and/or viewers to learn about one another and, if they wish, arrange stays with one another. The Company is not involved in the actual contact between members and/or viewers . As a result, the Company has no control over the conduct of members and/or viewers or the truth or accuracy of the information that members and/or viewers post on the Site.
4.2. The Company cannot and do not confirm purported identity of the members and/or viewers . Although the Company provides tools intended to assist you, you are responsible for determining the identity and suitability of others with whom you may match by means of this Site. The Company does not endorse any persons who use or register for the services which are provided by the Company. The Company does not investigate reputation of the members and/or viewers , conduct, morality, criminal background, or verify the information such of the members and/or viewers may submit to the Site. You shall communicate directly with potential hosts and guests through the tools available on the Site and to take the same precautions you would normally take when meeting a stranger in person for the first time.
4.3. You shall be solely responsible for your interactions with other members and/or viewers of this Site. The Company will not be responsible for any damage or harm resulting from your interactions with other members and/or viewers of this Site. The Company reserves the right, but has no obligation, to monitor interactions between you and other members and/or viewers of this Site and to take any other action in good faith to restrict access to or the availability of any material that the Company or another members and/or viewers of this Site may consider obscene, lewd, lascivious, filthy, violent, harassing or otherwise objectionable.
4.4. Because this Site is merely a venue, in the event that you have a dispute with other members and/or viewers of this Site, you release the Company and officers, directors, members, employees, agents and affiliates of the Company from claims, demands and damages (actual and consequential) of every kind and nature, known and unknown, suspected and unsuspected, disclosed and undisclosed, arising out of or in any way connected with such disputes.
4.5. In-person meetings which are held by groups of interested members and/or viewers are not sponsored or organized by the Company. Members who organize meetings should make clear in their announcements, invitations and signage that their meetings have not been organized or approved, and are not run, by the Company. The Company cannot guarantee the quality, organization or safety of any in-person meeting (whether or not sponsored by us). Members attend meetings at their own risk."

Good luck with that...

Honest Cosmo Cover

Via BurnRed

"Epic prow" — now that made me titter.

F'd Ad Fridays: Return of the merkin

Fanny Hill probably rocked one. Why wouldn't you?

If you've never heard the word "merkin" before, make it your word of the day. Dating back to the 1600s or earlier, the term describes a pubic wig worn by prostitutes who had denuded their pudenda as a precaution against catching and spreading crabs.

Well, in a time when women are messing with pubic perfection like never before, Real Housewife of New York Cindy Barshop is offering fantasy merkin installation at her spa:



Made of dyed fox fur and feathers, these things are the next logical step in the whole "vajazzling" trend. Whatever.

Via Spa Week

F'd Ad Fridays: Cheating panty semen detection kit

You could trust your girlfriend or wife, or you could trust SCIENCE:

According to the Test Infidelity web site:

"The InSite Semen Detection Kit can detect traces of semen on a woman's undergarment discharged after sexual intercourse, and up to 36 hours later. 

The InSite Kit comes with two types of test strips: (1) acid phosphatase (AP) test strips, and (2) prostate specific antigen (PSA) test strips. These two test work together to provide evidence of semen on a woman's undergarment. 

The AP test strips can detect semen down to a 1/2000 dilution and provide instant results. The PSA test strips can detect semen to a 1/500,000 dilution and provide more sensitive results in just 10 minutes. 

The InSite Semen Detection Kit contains 15 AP test strips in a resealable pouch with desiccant, 10 PSA test strips in sealed individual pouches and a 5-mL dropper."

The company also provides semen DNA analysis, to identify your cuckold, and a forensic infidelity test that works on both semen and vaginal fluid.

Ah, modern romance...

Tip via Jezebel

Fishing Lure or Sex Toy?

The funny thing about branding is what it tells you about the target market. In the case of fishing gear, that market includes some rather unsophisticated guys who use a lot of sexualized language and imagery when discussing their favourite sport. The result is brand names that sound... well... dirty.

Click the list of brand names below to see pictures of the products they promote. But before you click, try to guess if it's a lure or a sex toy. You might be surprised.

(And, it should go without saying, that the sex toy images may not be appropriate for the workplace, library, or a computer you share with your mom.)

Atomic Teaser

Thriller

Invader

Black Fury

Slurpies Flippin' Tube

Dardevle

Dominator

Doc Johnson

Magnum

French Hook

Wow No. 3

Giant Thunderstick

Booty Call

Slab Daddy

Vibratex

Swedish Pimple

Mud Bug

Heddon Torpedo

Wally Diver

Double Dawg

Big Teaze

Hustler Escort Series

12" Titan Tube

F'd Ad Fridays: Christm-ass outfit

Via Yandy. Classy.

Another nude photo revolutionary for the Muslim world?

Maybe not. Pakistani model Veena Malik has filed suit against FHM India for using this cover photo, which she claims has been "morphed". The magazine says it has proof that the session was consensual and authentic.

And it's not just the nudity that's controversial, both in conservative India and Ms. Malik's home country. "ISI" is a reference to the Pakistani intelligence service.

According to The National Post:

[FHM India editor Kabeer] Sharma said the idea had been to take an ironic swipe at India’s obsession with the ISI. 

A tag line on the cover that points to the initials, reads: “Hand in the end of the world too?”
“People, especially young people in both countries, want to move past this kind of thinking,” the editor said. 

“It’s a very powerful picture — it took a lot of guts for her to do that. It shows a powerful, sexy woman not afraid to speak her mind.”

Speaking her mind, but then taking it back. Is this fear of backlash, or just a publicity stunt?

Either way, it's hard to compare it to Egyptian feminist blogger Aliaa Magda Elmahdy's not-for-profit and potentially deadly one woman online nude protest. (And note, with irony, the cover headline :Why naked protests are just amateur porn"!)

Putting nude models on the cover of a lad mag is hardly a step forward for feminism in Pakistan. But it does show that the global normalization of sexuality and nudity is affecting even very conservative cultures.

Lest we forget, Hugh Hefner started out not to pornify women, but to sexually liberate the repressed adults of the 1950s. Things went awry as Playboy outlasted the male-dominated society it grew out of, and today it is no better than its grandchildren publications such as FHM.

It's a dangerous road, to be sure, trying to sexually liberate women by sexualizing them. But will the end result mean a more sex-positive world? We'll see...

Tip and pics via Buzzfeed

F'd Ad Fridays: Watching adult virgins talk about sex is even more awkward than you would imagine

This is a trailer for "Virgin Diaries", a new reality show coming at you from TLC. The network claims it is not making fun of these poor saps. They leave that up to the viewers.






Via Jezebel